william p. bohlen
Saturday, February 21, 2004
RedEye, 2/13/04
'Survivor' has all-star moments
By William P. Bohlen
For all of the reasons to watch "Survivor: All-Stars"--and there are many--the most important one is to keep your eye on Richard Hatch. Just ignore the blurry parts.
Hatch is a legend, the original reality television star, and you can tell he knows it when he walks around the beach, strutting in his birthday suit and acting like the king of the island. Having previously won the million-dollar prize, he knows he's in a disadvantaged position, but he acts like he doesn't care. The truth is, he does.
His reputation as the ultimate survivor is on the line, but being the competitor he is, he's working every angle. That's why he's doing all the fishing, and that's why he wrestled a shark during Thursday night's episode, getting bitten and then biting the shark himself.
The politics, which are much more important than the survival, are even better this season, because the contestants know their opponents' personalities and previous strategies. The show has also upped the ante on challenges. Ignoring the blatant Home Depot product placement, Thursday's reward challenge to build substantive huts was inspired. With the dour Panamanian contractor putting the shelters through the paces, "Survivor" veterans such as Rupert cracked under the pressure.
Perhaps the most interesting, and touching, moment in the entire series occurred Thursday when Jenna left the show to be by her cancer-stricken mother's side. A message informed us her mother died eight days later.
The show still has an amazing pull. Even with her mother sick, Jenna wanted to compete. Even though it's the eighth edition, we still want to watch.
- At 7 p.m. Friday, Fox has "The Great American Celebrity Spelling Bee."
- "A Charlie Brown Valentine" airs at 7 p.m. Saturday on ABC.
- Drew Barrymore and Kelis bring their milkshakes to "Saturday Night Live" at 10:30 p.m. on NBC.
- A new low, so to speak? "The Littlest Groom," with a 4-foot-5 inch bachelor, airs at 7 p.m. Monday on Fox.
"The O.C." is crazy in love--Seth and Summer, Luke and Mrs. Cooper?--on Fox at 8 p.m. Wednesday.
RedEye, 2/9/04
Sounds of success
More music, less talk make for a great Grammy formula
By William P. Bohlen
If you were put off by the spate of terribly boring awards shows in recent months, you missed something special with Sunday night's Grammy Awards.
The telecast followed a great formula: Start out with a bang, keep the award presentations to a minimum, keep the performances coming, and spice them up with new and unusual combinations. Even when it ran 30 minutes long, it was still enjoyable.
There were 19 performances, kicked off in spectacular fashion by two all-time greats--Prince and Tina Turner--who came out of seclusion to perform a medley of the Purple One's greatest hits. Wait, it was Beyonce, not Turner, but she looked, moved and sang a lot like Tina.
Sting, Dave Matthews, Vince Gill and Pharrell Williams played able tribute to the Beatles with "I Saw Her Standing There." The White Stripes soon upped the ante with a tremendous version of "Seven Nation Army" that evolved into an extended jam.
Indicative of the night's occasional audio problems, Celine Dion's microphone malfunctioned and her earpiece went dead, and the home audience heard the producers talking over the audio, but she trooped through a Luther Vandross song. Sting and Sean Paul sang a cool "Roxanne" remix. Controversial Justin Timberlake joined jazz trumpeter Arturo Sandoval for a funky number.
Past and present came together for a funky highlight: An Earth, Wind and Fire reunion gave way to OutKast, which led to Robert Randolph and the Family Band, which unfortunately devolved into a bloated, 40-plus-person performance by George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic.
Most touching was the transition from a simple montage of recently dead musicians into a beautiful rendition of Warren Zevon's "Keep Me In Your Heart" sung with Zevon's voice on tape and live backing by Emmylou Harris, Jackson Browne, Zevon's children and others.
Timberlake, who won best male pop vocal performance, gave the most anticipated acceptance speech. "Listen," Timberlake said, referring to his role in the, um, revealing Super Bowl halftime show, "I know it's been a rough week on everybody, what occurred was unintentional, completely regrettable, and I apologize if you guys were offended."
Andre 3000 gave the best acceptance speech when OutKast won for best rap album.
"Thank you," he said before flashing a peace sign and walking off stage.
For the most part, politics was kept out of the telecast. The Black Eyed Peas sang their politically charged "Where Is the Love?" and, upon winning an award, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin said, "We'd like to dedicate this to Johnny Cash, and John Kerry, who hopefully will be your president some day."
The show was hostless, which thankfully spared any groan-inducing jokes about Timberlake and Janet Jackson. Even the standard lecture on music piracy was a gentle nudge toward an outreach effort and Web site.
When Andre 3000 came back at the end to perform "Hey Ya" with the University of Southern California marching band--and to win album of the year--he sent the audience into the night with an infectious song rattling in their heads.
Worry later about how many viewers will download it illegally.
RedEye, 2/6/04
Face reality: Sequels need a new twist
By William P. Bohlen
TV's midseason is the land of the sequels. "American Idol" is back. "Survivor" is back. Even the tedious "Celebrity Mole" is back.
And then there are the relationship games, "Average Joe Hawaii" and "The Bachelorette." Each has had success in the past, and NBC and ABC, respectively, are trying to equal or better those performances. The results are mixed, as both shows are hit or miss on a week-to-week basis. Often, it seems, a week with a bad "Joe" has a good "Bachelorette" and vice versa.
For example, after two weeks of drowsy non-elimination episodes, "Joe" came back with a very strong episode this week. Musclebound Theo revealed his inappropriate cartoon depicting the average guys as buffoons and then admitted he used to be picked on himself. It led to tears and apologies and, finally, his elimination. There remains an interesting dynamic between Larissa and the various guys, and they have distinct personalities to boot.
"The Bachelorette," despite starring Meredith, who is more likeable than the cloying Trista, has lacked a good story line and interesting men. Moreover, she has fallen into the "process" trap--spending more time talking about "Why am I so wonderful?" than actually getting to know the person. Perhaps this is the fault of the producers, who are in love with the "process" more than anyone and choose to show those moments.
In order to make a successful reality relationship sequel, there needs to be some growth in the formula. We've seen enough of "The Bachelor/-ette" series to know what comes next; there's no need to recap. With "Average Joe," it's a fresher concept, so we're more patient. We want to get to know these people better, not just as flat caricatures. When the "process" strings are so visible, any magic is lost.
Shows to watch
- "Ed" finally walks down the aisle with Carol in the finale at 8 p.m. Friday on NBC.
- Clay Aiken sings and Megan Mullally hosts "Saturday Night Live" at 10:30 p.m. on NBC.
- The Grammys air at 7 p.m. Sunday on CBS. Check Monday's RedEye for the scoop.
- Michael J. Fox guests on "Scrubs" at 8:20 p.m. Tuesday on NBC.
- Marissa discovers Oliver's demons on "The O.C." at 8 p.m. Wednesday on Fox.
RedEye, 2/2/04
Reality Rewind
By Will Bohlen
The show: My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance
8 p.m. Monday, Fox
Last episode recap: Steve picks flowers for Randi to help make him seem human. They meet wedding planner Jill, and Steve sneaks a kiss. They get fitted for their "wedding," and later they dance. Then, it's time to see the sex therapist. Huh?
Fast-forward: It's family time--time to introduce the fiance. Already a stressful time in general, it's going to be even more stressful when it's this guy. More fun might be seeing Steve's family.
Get real: We'll probably put "Survivor: All-Stars" in place of this next week. It's too painful to watch. The sex therapist was one of the most uncomfortable TV moments this season.
The show: Average Joe: Hawaii
9 p.m. Monday, NBC
Last episode recap: The model guys are there, and it's bad blood between the two camps. They split into two teams for "school," with a mental test, a gym test and a dodgeball game. The hunks win both physical challenges and get a dance with Larissa.
Fast-forward: The Joes get a little more attention after conceding much of it to the new guys. Finally, an elimination after two episodes of non-elimination.
Get real: NBC clearly is milking their videotape for extra episodes. It's unheard of to have two episodes in a row without an elimination.
The show: American Idol
7 p.m. Tuesday, Fox
Last episode recap: Continued auditions in California and Hawaii. A number of groaners and a few singers. In total, 117 got tickets to Hollywood.
Fast-forward: Expect more quick cuts to different performers. They have to get 117 down to 32 singers, and that's difficult to do over two hours.
Get real: There's a special "Road to Hollywood" show at 7 p.m. on Monday--another attempt to milk footage for viewers. What a ratings whore.
The show: America's Next Top Model
8 p.m. Tuesday, UPN
Last episode recap: All about the drama. Shandi faints after a makeup contest. Catie is terrified during a photo shoot in which the girls are suspended over a giant hole. Xiomara, who let Catie walk all over her, is saved when Heather is eliminated.
Fast-forward: One model has a major illness, and another is told her fashion sense resembles that of a hooker. Joliet's Adrianne Curry, last season's winner, visits the house.
Get real: It will be interesting to see how Adrianne has done since winning. We haven't heard a whole lot from her, although it's not like we're following with bated breath.
The show: The Bachelorette
7:30 p.m. Wednesday, ABC
Last episode recap: Meredith needs to trim 10 men down to six. She goes on an individual date with man of mystery Ian. When elimination comes, she asks for an extra rose, so she boots only Rick, Todd, and Ryan R., who throws a fit.
Fast-forward: It's seven down to four, and Kelly Jo, Meredith's fellow "Bachelor" contestant, and another friend come to the house to grill the guys.
Get real: Clearly, the goal of the "friend" visit is to bring back former contestants because they bring an added fan base.
The show: The Apprentice
8 p.m. Thursday, NBC
Last episode recap: The two teams each take over Planet Hollywood for a night. Whoever does the best relative to the same night last year wins. The women use sex appeal, and the men have Kwame sign basketballs for money. The men lose; Bowie gets fired.
Fast-forward: The teams switch up because the men have lost too many challenges, and 8-4 would be a major disadvantage. New life for some competitors and a chance for new alliances.
Get real: The elimination process is fascinating. The losing team's captain picks two people he thinks didn't put their weight into the task. Bowie was almost an afterthought.
Thursday, February 05, 2004
RedEye, 1/30/04
Drama queens show 'Model' behavior
By William P. Bohlen
For some reason, the modeling industry has always been a steady source of crying jags, hissy fits and bruised egos. Wonderfully, UPN has captured the drama mamas for two seasons now on "America's Next Top Model."
Although this second season lacks the instant spark of the first one--when Joliet's Adrianne Curry won--there's still plenty of intrigue to go around as Tyra Banks oversees 12 young women competing in a series of modeling competitions to win a photo spread and an agency contract. The show is not going to win an Emmy or even a People's Choice Award, but it is entertaining--not to mention sickening--to watch.
Just keep in mind that these are not real people. These contestants worry about eating habits, weight issues (130 pounds is too heavy? Oh, please.), nudity, height and just about any other task they encounter. Most of all, they are delicate, and Banks' constant refrain is that they need to suck it up and actually work. April and Yoanna seem to be the two who understand that the best. Camille, the resident stuck-up witch, and Catie, the 18-year-old ingenue, seem to want everything on a platter.
Banks has been around the modeling block several times, and she's a capable host because the women respect her. She does choke up a bit too much at the elimination ceremonies, and she does sound like a pompom coach on occasion, but she does a good job explaining why each task is important.
Of course, there are a lot of moments when a group of attractive women are being filmed in skimpy clothing and whatnot. But watching the show, one realizes that their attitudes overcome their physical beauty and make them easy to hate. What more could we want?
Shows to watch
- Super Bowl XXXVIII, between the Carolina Panthers and New England Patriots, begins at 5 p.m. Sunday on CBS, followed at 9 p.m. by the premiere of "Survivor: All-Stars."
- Because of NBC's "Apprentice" fetish, "Scrubs" has been moved to 8:30 p.m. Tuesday.
- ABC's "The Bachelorette" gets 90 minutes at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday.
RedEye, 1/29/04
Happily ever after? Get real
By William P. Bohlen
In the fairy-tale world of reality TV romances, the fantasy often ends when the cameras stop rolling.
Aaron Buerge and Helene Eksterowicz
- Show: "The Bachelor," ABC, Season 2
- Reel life: Aaron whittled his group of ladies down to Helene and Brooke, a 22-year-old southern belle. He gave Helene a ring, and they left the show formally engaged.
- Real life: Broken up. Aaron reportedly canoodled with others, including a Playboy model, during the engagement. Helene has said that he broke up with her in a Starbucks near her New Jersey home.
Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter
- Show: "The Bachelorette," ABC, Season 1
- Reel life: "Bachelor" rejectee Trista got her own show and found firefighter Ryan Sutter out of a pool of 25 guys. They fell in love, and Ryan proposed in the final episode.
- Real life: Newlyweds. The only reality show so far to result in a marriage, which aired on ABC last month.
Andrew Firestone and Jennifer Schefft
- Show: "The Bachelor,"ABC, Season 3
- Reel life: The Firestone heir found his princess in a Chicago woman. He proposed; she said yes.
- Real life: Broken up. She moved to San Francisco to live with him and work for the family wine business. They reportedly ended things on good terms after realizing they wanted different things out of life.
Bob Guiney and Estella Gardinier
- Show: "The Bachelor," ABC, season 4
- Reel life: "Bachelorette" rejectee Bob kissed his way through 25 women and ended up with Estella, a woman we never really got to know. He gave her a ring to wear on her right hand as a promise of a future together.
- Real life: Broken up. After attending Trista's wedding, the couple--who appeared to not be too much in love--called it quits because of Bob's fledgling music career and book publicity tours.
Evan Marriott and Zora Andrich
- Show: "Joe Millionaire," Fox, Season 1
- Reel life: In a fairy-tale romance set in a French chateau, Zora stayed with Evan despite his lying about millions he didn't have. Evan gave Zora a promise ring. More than 30 million watched the finale.
- Real life: Broken up, almost as soon as the show ended.
Melana Scantlin and Jason Peoples
- Show: "Average Joe," NBC, Season 1
- Reel life: Melana met a bevy of average guys and later a bunch of hunks, including Jason. She narrowed her decision to Jason and average Adam, choosing Jason for a romantic getaway.
- Real life: Who knows? They only recently finished the show and were a couple then, but some mags are saying they're splitsville.
Erin Brodie and Chad Viggiano
- Show: "For Love or Money," NBC, Season 2
- Reel life: After ditching Rob Campos in the first season, Erin wagered her $1 million for a possible $2 million on the second season. She chose Chad, and Chad chose her over the money. She split the money with him.
- Real life: Still a couple. Reportedly living together--or searching for a place together -- in Los Angeles.
Hayley Arp and Will Dyck
- Show: "Mr. Personality," Fox, Season 1
- Reel life: Hayley was faced with a bunch of guys in masks. She chose millionaire businessman Will over a mind-manipulating competitor. He proposed, and she accepted, before she even knew what he looked like.
Real life: Reportedly still together. She splits time between native Atlanta and California, where he lives. They're still working on the relationship.
RedEye, 1/26/04
TV networks are big losers at Golden Globes
By William P. Bohlen
The American television networks got a real wake-up call during Sunday night's Golden Globes telecast, at least when it comes to comedy.
HBO's stalwart comedy "Sex and the City," Fox's outstanding new series "Arrested Development," USA's kooky "Monk" and NBC's usual suspect "Will & Grace" were all beaten by BBC America's smart, understated British hit "The Office."
It was a remarkable--and mostly deserved--upset for the digital cable network, though "Arrested Development" would have been another quality winner.
When you add "Office" star Ricky Gervais' best actor win, it shows that American television comedies are losing steam. Maybe that's why NBC is preparing a remake of "The Office" for an upcoming season. The only problem: If "Coupling" is any indication, NBC would do much better just to run the British version.
The other big winner was HBO's acclaimed "Angels in America." It was the Best Miniseries; Al Pacino won a Best Actor award; Jeffrey Wright won for Best Supporting Actor; and Mary Louise Parker got Best Supporting Actress. Parker's win was a good one, but she beat Cynthia Nixon, whose supporting role on "Sex and the City" has constantly been overlooked, first by the Emmys and this time by the Hollywood Foreign Press.
Nixon's colleague Sarah Jessica Parker won for best actress, and it was a fitting tribute to her work over the years as the series winds down.
Fox's "24," in the midst of another improbable season, won Best Drama, perhaps improbably over HBO's "Six Feet Under," which did get an award, thanks to Frances Conroy's Best Actress win. Anthony LaPaglia was a surprise winner, taking home the award for Best Actor in a Drama Series for CBS' "Without a Trace," one of the network's countless crime-solving drama clones.
Still, there seems to be a hunger for innovative and original series, and the networks should take notice.
If the viewers and critics can't convince the networks of this, let's hope that the awards can.
RedEye, 1/23/04
A&E's 'Airline' is touching
By William P. Bohlen
A&E's new show "Airline" is proof that "reality television" doesn't always equal "crap." In fact, the documentary-style show about Southwest Airlines is one of the most refreshing, funny, touching and entrancing new shows on TV this year.
Known to most as the low-cost carrier with goofy flight attendants and barebones operations, Southwest made a brilliant choice in letting cameras follow its employees as they go about their daily jobs at Chicago Midway and Los Angeles International Airports.
The cameras capture the ticket agents, gate workers and baggage handlers during stressful situations--angry customers, lost baggage, delayed flights--and show them handling the circumstances with level heads and a sense of fairness. It's these two elements--customers and employees--that make the show. In no other industry does the relationship between the two groups become as strained as it is in an airport.
What's surprising is that the customers who clearly are in the wrong actually give permission to be on camera. Perhaps they hope the situation will come across in their favor, but it almost never does.
Instead, we side with employees such as customer service attendant Colleen Bragiel at Midway who kept customers on an even keel during the recent Northeast blackout.
"Airline" is proof that good reality television doesn't need hot babes or even disgusting contests. It can be charming and thoughtful and heartwarming. More shows should follow its lead.
Shows to watch
- The Golden Globes air at 7 p.m. Sunday on NBC. Check Monday's RedEye for a complete rundown of winners.
- "The Osbournes" premieres at 9:30 p.m. Tuesday on MTV.
- BET debuts "College Life," a look at eight students at Southern University, at 8 p.m. Wednesday.
RedEye, 1/20/04
TV MADNESS: The sad truth: Programs will only get worse
By William P. Bohlen
Reality television has laughed at family, spat in the face of marriage and even cheated death on occasion.
The scary thing is, we don't yet know how low the networks can go, but it appears to be a well without bottom.
Just be glad our time on the earth is limited by our life spans; fear for our children and our children's children, who will close their eyes when they turn on the television, for fear of what they might see.
With Monday's "American Idol" kicking off with the worst singers of all time--or at least until Tuesday's show, when the audition footage continues--and the big fat obnoxious premiere of "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance," Fox is adding to its insurmountable lead in skeevy reality programming.
On "Idol," Simon Cowell bet a tone-deaf contestant that if she sang in a restaurant more than half the patrons would leave. (She did--and they left.)
Meanwhile, on "Fiance," the show previewed a scene with the couple lying to an actual minister.
Fox, the network of masked dates ("Mr. Personality"), instant sham marriages ("Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire") and outright lies ("Joe Millionaire") has constantly outpaced rival networks, including second-worst NBC ("Fear Factor," "Dog Eat Dog," "For Love or Money").
So where does this leave us? The ultimate destination is clearly hard-core pornography or snuff footage, but along the way, there are countless groups to exploit and offend. How about midgets, the elderly, the physically or mentally disabled, babies and all manner of ethnic groups? Teens are probably the next frontier, preying on their insecurities with contests designed to create inter- and intra-group conflicts, petty jealousy and assaults on self-esteem.
Puberty is a reality show--or several--waiting to happen.
The collective "we" will be watching, getting a kick out of humiliating someone new. There's plenty of room in Hell's handbasket, and in a twisted way, we'll probably enjoy the ride.
RedEye, 1/19/04
Reality Rewind
By Will Bohlen
The show: Average Joe: Hawaii
9 p.m. Monday, NBC
Last episode recap: Boxer Roy Jones Jr. teaches the guys a thing or two about the sweet science. Later, Tom tells Larissa she's prettier than Wonder Woman. A series of standard group dates lead to the elimination ceremony. Bye to Justin (who left on his own), Phuc, Sam, Tim, Donato and Bill.
Fast-forward: The moment we've not been waiting for--eight chiseled hunks waltz in and discourage the average joes.
Get real: Was David's kiss the most pathetic in reality show history? It must make Chicago "Bachelorette" contestant Jamie happy his plea for Trista's kiss has been knocked from first place.
The show: America's Next Top Model
8 p.m. Tuesday, UPN
Last episode recap: Premiere. Twelve women, including some without typical model beauty, arrive in New York and then board an aircraft carrier for an impromptu runway show in front of military, fire and police personnel. Anna, a 24-year-old Georgia mother, refuses to do a nude shoot, and she gets sent home for it.
Fast-forward: Runway practice gets dangerous, and two women get into a fight that divides the house.
Get real: It's hard to handicap the field just yet, but Mercedes, Sara and April have the more exotic look that Tyra Banks seems to favor.
The show: The Apprentice
7 p.m. Wednesday, NBC
Last episode recap: The teams are tasked to come up with an ad campaign for a corporate jet company. The prize: a jet trip to Boston for dinner. The women came up with a surprisingly phallic-centered campaign and won for their boldness. The Donald fires Jason.
Fast-forward: It's all about negotiations. Donald tries to put them into a tense situation, and the teams have trouble sticking together. Another candidate gets the boot.
Get real: How is Sam still around? The little Napoleon that could spent part of this challenge sleeping on the job? The guy grates a bit, but maybe he's got gumption. Or something.
The show: The Simple Life
7:30 p.m. Wednesday, Fox
Last episode recap: Finale. Paris and Nicole make amends with Altus townfolk, apologizing for ruining a pool table, settling their tabs and saying goodbye. The Leding family is teary to see them leave; the girls say they will miss everyone. Doubtful.
Fast-forward: Get ready for "American Idol!" Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday at 7 p.m. on Fox will be the highlight of the entire series, with all of the terrible singers from around the country hurting our eardrums.
Get real: The scene with Paris and Nicole picking up roadkill was clearly a producer's suggestion. Given the girls' previous aversion to dead animals, there was no reason they would have done it.
The show: The Bachelorette
8 p.m. Wednesday, ABC
Last episode recap: Premiere. Meet Meredith--one of Bob's rejects--and 25 guys who think she's swell. Several guys give Meredith gifts, including a pair of slippers from slipper-company entrepreneur Rick. She dismisses 10 guys we hardly got to know.
Fast-forward: Two group dates and one individual date with Rick, who got "the mysterious white rose," as Chris Harrison repeatedly reminded us. One group date is on ATVs, and the other is a campfire/horseback riding date.
Get real: OK, Meredith may be the coolest "Bachelor"/"Bachelorette" yet. She actually does seem real, and funny, and slightly dorky.
The show: Celebrity Mole Yucatan
9 p.m. Wednesday, ABC
Last episode recap: Some players encase themselves in pinatas and are hit by others. It's not that exciting as no one gets seriously hurt. Darn. Corbin Bernsen is not the mole. He gets booted from a "Mole" show for the second time. Does that mean he's twice the loser?
Fast-forward: Players try to round up chickens. Then they face a maze with Mexican wrestlers and mariachi bands. Finally, one player gets to eat and eat and eat at a chance for exemption.
Get real: Really, you shouldn't be watching this cruddy show. Turn instead to Fox's "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance" at 8 p.m. Monday after "American Idol." It'll at least be marginally more interesting than this dreck.
RedEye, 1/16/04
'Curb' is like 'Seinfeld' without Jerry
By William P. Bohlen
Watching HBO's "Curb Your Enthusiasm" is like watching an unseen "Seinfeld," at least for the first few minutes.
It's certainly expected: The star, Larry David, was Jerry Seinfeld's collaborator on "Seinfeld" for many years and is the inspiration for George. And the obsession with life's quirky nuances and meaningless pleasantries remains the same.
But "Curb" quickly takes a darker turn, as David constantly challenges convention and karma.
Karma always wins.
Take, for instance, David revealing to a blind piano player that the pianist's "supermodel" girlfriend is actually quite ugly. The pianist breaks up with her, and David has to do the chores around the house because he messed things up.
David can't help but stick his nose into others' business. But while he thinks he's doing them favors, he can't see how his actions are offensive.
In essence, he's a one-man "Seinfeld," with Jerry's obsessions, George's ineptitude and Kramer's startling lack of tact.
In all, it's a very funny show--often laugh-out-loud funny--but one must inevitably compare it to its forerunner, and in that comparison, it's lacking.
Where "Seinfeld," was unexpected and seamless, "Curb" telegraphs the important threads that will tie up, or unravel, at episode's end.
David isn't a great actor, but he does play himself well, if that's any kind of accomplishment. What's ultimately missing, however, is Jerry Seinfeld, who would temper the darkness and refine the humor.
Shows to watch
- The new season of "Monk" premieres at 9 p.m. Friday on USA.
- Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey host "Saturday Night Live" at 10:30 p.m. on NBC.
- Monday is a big Fox night, with "American Idol" returning at 7 p.m., followed by "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance" at 8 p.m.
- Take over Todd's life on "Todd TV," 9 p.m. Wednesday on FX. Or watch a double dose of celebrity couples on MTV: "Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica" and "'Til Death Do Us Part: Carmen and Dave."
RedEye, 1/12/04
Reality Rewind
By Will Bohlen
The show: Average Joe
9:10 p.m. Monday, NBC
Last episode recap: Premiere. Meet Larissa, another Miss Missouri USA looking for love in the wrong place--on television. She meets a host of average Joes, including the completely annoying David, and nearly quits. She sticks with it and dismisses four guys, including aww shucks guy Matt.
Fast-forward: The dates with the guys begin, and Larissa starts locking lips with a few, including a bald, tattooed artist named Tony. (Larissa claims to be an artist too.)
Get real: Larissa already seems cattier than the first season's Melana, who clearly wanted to be Trista II. This should make for some better verbal sparks than the bland I'm-OK-you're-OK affirmations of the first season.
The show: Real World/San Diego
9 p.m. Tuesday, MTV
Last episode recap: Premiere. The latest season of the venerable franchise takes place in San Diego. Brad, from Orland Park, is an Italian stallion whose cocky, dumb-as-rocks demeanor seems to be turning the girls on. Also on board: a slutty Southern belle, a terminally ill punk girl, a nice Morehouse grad, a Bay-area Korean girl, a hunky Boston guy and a busty Tampa bartender.
Fast-forward: This season, a couple of arrests, several fights, lots of hook-ups, even more drinking. In short, another season of "The Real World" as we've come to expect it. When did things stop getting real?
Get real: Let's hope the San Diego setting gives ample opportunity to play music from The Thrills, a great little Dublin band who spent a summer in San Diego writing songs about California, beaches and sand.
The show: Celebrity Mole Yucatan
9 p.m. Wednesday, ABC
Last episode recap: Premiere. A wad of celebrity has-beens arrives in Mexico for ABC's lame game of whodunit. Among the guests: Dennis Rodman, a Baldwin, Mark Curry and Angie Everhart. Former MTV VJ Ananda Lewis gets the first boot.
Fast-forward: A Mexican fiesta, and the players are knocking pinatas containing celebrities. Who is so low a celebrity that they are encased in a pinata being hit by C-listers?
Get real: Time has done Corbin Bernsen no favors. The man looks almost like Ed Harris and the skipper from "Gilligan's Island" had a child. This also is his second turn on "Celebrity Mole," so you know his career isn't doing much, either.
The show: The Apprentice
7:30 p.m. Thursday, NBC
Last episode recap: Premiere. Donald Trump invites 16 people to New York to compete for a chance to head one of his companies at a $250,000 salary. Divided into men and women, two teams sell lemonade, with the women winning and David getting fired.
Fast-forward: The task appears to be marketing a private jet service. Sam, who was on the chopping block last week, falls asleep on the job this week.
Get real: NBC's already altering its schedule around The Donald. They've decided to put "The Apprentice" on Thursday after "Friends" again this week. This better not mean another schedule change for "Scrubs."
The show: Surreal Life
8 p.m. Sunday, WB
Last episode recap: Premiere. Introduced to the houseguests, which include Vanilla Ice, Ron Jeremy, Trishelle from "The Real World: Las Vegas," Erik Estrada and the former Tammy Faye Baker. They go shopping, and Vanilla Ice complains about the lack of Jimmy Dean sausages.
Fast-forward: The celebs go to work at a drive-in, with Gary Coleman managing and Todd Bridges making a cameo.
Get real: The funniest moment was the quest to find the odor from Ron Jeremy's shoes. No, wait, the funniest moment was Vanilla Ice, in all seriousness, claiming everyone was an alien.
