william p. bohlen
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
PROGRAMMING ALERT!
William P. Bohlen to be featured on VH1 special Friday, Jan. 2
I'll be appearing on the VH1 news special "Reality TV Secrets Revealed" on Friday, Jan. 2, airing first at 1 p.m. EDT, and then repeated at 6 and 9 p.m. EDT, and several times after that. Here are the listings of when it's scheduled to air.
Check it out to see if they could extract enough decent clips from an hour-long interview of my blubbering incoherence!
RedEye, 12/26/03
Tube tops--and bottoms
By William P. Bohlen
Television in 2003 had all the volatility of the stock market, and about as much success. Trying to predict hits and misses based on the fickle audience winds, networks didn't know when to hold or fold, and they often walked away too late or too soon.
Still, if you knew where to look, there was usually something interesting happening, for better or for worse.
Bad fall TV
Responding to an unhealthy reliance on gimmick-filled reality shows, network execs premiered a slew of scripted dramas and sitcoms in the fall, including some heavily publicized ones such as Fox's "Skin" and NBC's "Coupling." Both shows were dead on arrival, and the trigger-happy networks yanked them quickly, along with others. It wasn't long before reality shows started popping up again.
TV comes out of the closet
This year was known for two breakout reality genres. The first was the explosion of gays on television, with cable network Bravo leading the way.
On the first gay dating show, "Boy Meets Boy," James Getzlaff chose between a group of men. Unbeknownst to him, though, was a gruesome twist--some were gay and some were straight men pretending to be gay.
The smash hit, though, was "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," a "make-better" makeover show featuring the Fab Five (below), who quickly rose to celebrity status.
Dumb rich kids
The other breakout genre was documentary-style reality programming about young, rich women with little clue about the real world.
Jessica Simpson's "Newlyweds" MTV show made her famous for not knowing the origins of tuna or buffalo wings.
Ally Hilfiger and Jaime Gleicher on MTV's "Rich Girls" spent their time talking about starving Ethiopians while dropping thousands on purses and boots.
And celebutantes Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie traded their Beverly Hills lives for fun on an Arkansas farm on "The Simple Life."
'Joe Millionaire' soars, then crashes
Fox's smash reality hit drew 40 million viewers for the winter finale, thanks to word-of-mouth hype not seen since the first season of "Survivor."
Evan Marriott, a construction worker making $19,000 a year, pretended to be a multimillionaire as he whittled a field of women into a choice between Sarah Kozer and Zora Andrich.
Kozer gained brief notoriety when it was revealed she had acted in low-budget bondage flicks, and she was duly portrayed as the "bad girl" on the Fox show.
Evan chose Zora, broke the news about his faux fortune, and she came back to him. As a reward, they each got a half million dollars, which they kept despite breaking up as soon as the show ended.
Fox tried to repeat the success in the fall with David Smith, a Texas cowboy wooing European babes, but the show did disastrously in the ratings, and the "Joe Millionaire" formula is likely dead.
Trista and Ryan get hitched
ABC's "The Bachelorette" produced the first primetime reality dating show marriage--outside of "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire"--in the genre's brief history.
Trista Rehn chose firefighter Ryan Sutter on the show, got engaged and, earlier this month, ABC produced a nearly $4-million wedding, televising both the preparation and ceremony. The result? A shockingly pink event that exhibited bad taste on so many fronts, from the cliched poetry to the choice of an outdoor venue as paparazzi in helicopters circled above.
Ruben beats Clay, Clay still wins
"Velvet teddy bear" Ruben Studdard defeated androgynous elf Clay Aiken in a photo-finish vote to become the second "American Idol." But unlike the first season's Justin Guarini, the runner-up to Kelly Clarkson, Aiken worked his defeat into an unmitigated success as the deluded members of Clay Nation eagerly bought his debut album and flocked to his performances.
Bye, bye Buffy
In what had been a long and remarkable run for the supernatural soap opera, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" wrapped up with a monstrous finale that saw the first evil defeated and Sunnydale collapse. Managing to draw a relatively small but fiercely loyal and well-educated audience for so many years, "Buffy" earned a place in the pop culture pantheon with its extended riffs, wry humor and campy action.
'West Wing' downfall
Perhaps saddest of all was seeing a once-grand show become nothing more than a prime-time soap opera. "The West Wing" was enjoying a surprising resurgence before mastermind Aaron Sorkin was given the unceremonious boot just before the show won the Emmy for best drama. When the show returned in the fall, in the midst of a great storyline involving abdication of power and the kidnapping of the president's daughter, the show essentially threw in the towel when daughter Zoey was miraculously found. How the mighty have fallen.
Monday, December 22, 2003
RedEye, 12/19/03
'Line of Fire' hits bull's eye
By William P. Bohlen
"Line of Fire," you had me at hello. Or maybe it was "The Black Angel's Death Song."
Disclosure: Anytime I hear a Velvet Underground song, I'm immediately respectful. So, in watching a recent episode of ABC's new FBI drama, I heard the trademark squeaky violins during an early mafia scene. It gave the show a fighting chance.
But I don't think it was just the well-chosen soundtrack that kept me interested long after the song ended; it was the complex story line, the decent acting, the unabashed "Sopranos"-style brutality and occasional strong language.
In fact, "Line of Fire" clearly results from the indirect pressure HBO has been putting on networks to come up with edgier fare.
Once you suspend disbelief that Richmond, Va., has both an active and brutal mafia, enough of an underbelly to worry the mafia, and an active and exciting FBI office, "Line of Fire" rarely disappoints.
The plot lines are complex, thanks especially to the dynamic between mafia boss Jonah Malloy (played exquisitely by David Paymer, who overcomes his nebbish qualities to become truly scary) and scruffy FBI agent Roy Ravelle (played scruffily by Anson Mount), who has recently gone undercover in the Malloy syndicate. Does he kill on Malloy's orders, or does he wimp out and blow his cover?
The show looks a bit like a Steven Soderbergh movie, with unusual camera framing and occasional hand-held shots, a blue tint common to ABC dramas.
And in a pleasant nod to Fox's "24," "Line of Fire" introduces each character with a name and title in every episode.
- TNT begins its 24-hour marathon of "A Christmas Story" at 5 p.m. Wednesday. This marks the movie's 20th anniversary, and it remains as timeless as ever.
- Christmas classic "It's a Wonderful Life" airs at 7 p.m. Wednesday on NBC.
- Kelly Clarkson represents the U.S. in Fox's "World Idol" competition at 7 p.m Thursday.
RedEye, 12/15/03
Vote-free Sandra is sole 'Survivor'
To celebrate being the last four on CBS' "Survivor: Pearl Islands," Jeff Probst brought Darrah, Lill, Sandra and Jon mimosas and letters from home. Lill got emotional.
In the night's first tribal council, Darrah got kicked out because she was easily the strongest player left. Jon felt he was golden. "I'm king of the men, and they're women," he said.
Lill won the final immunity, an endurance competition, rejecting all of Jon's overtures for a deal to be in the final two.
As Lill tried to determine who she should take with her, she was tempted by Jon's checkered past of lying and deceit but also empathized with Sandra, who has a husband and two children. In the end, she decided to make the heartfelt move and keep Sandra for the finals.
At the final tribal council, the two women, an unlikely final pair, pled their cases to the jury. Probst left with the ballots, returning to a soundstage in Hollywood to reveal, 6-1, that Sandra was the sole survivor.
Amazingly, she had never had a vote cast against her during the entire game.
RedEye, 12/15/03
Reality Rewind
The show
Average Joe
8 p.m. Monday, NBC
Last episode recap
Finale. The producers set it up as a battle between
brains and looks when underdog Adam is shown to be
a millionaire while pretty boy Jason is still living with
his parents. In the end, Melana shockingly picks Jason.
Fast-forward
In January, "Average Joe 2" premieres with a Hawaiian location and another former beauty queen. There are hunks, a slew of new average Joes and, of course, insecurities.
Get real
Jason and Melana probably won't stay together for long.
They had only been on three dates by the time she chose him.
The show
The Simple Life
7:30 p.m. Tuesday, Fox
Last episode recap
Paris and Nicole start work at the local Sonic fast-food restaurant. They mess up every task, including changing
the marquee to spell out a naughty phrase, and flipping
the bird to passersby while wearing Sonic mascot costumes.
Fast-forward
Altus' mayor bestows the chairmanship of the spring gala on the girls, and they put their one talent to work at the kissing booth.
Another episode follows on Wednesday.
Get real
Nicole has been defending her godfather, Michael Jackson. She says she was often at Neverland and that nothing untoward ever happened. Of course, she's a girl.
The show
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
9 p.m. Tuesday, Bravo
Last episode recap
The guys make over Ross, a former Marine. He impresses his girlfriend, and they have a great time. One of the best tips of the night: If you're buying a dessert wine, make sure it is sweeter than the dessert you are serving.
Fast-forward
The Fab Five, including Chicago's Ted Allen, visit old subjects to see if they've kept up their makeovers.
Get real
What a great idea, a catching-up show to see if the former slobs have reverted to their old ways. Expect some to have reverted and some to have grown.
The show
Rich Girls
9:30 p.m. Tuesday, MTV
Last episode recap
The girls hit Los Angeles, staying in a posh hotel and picking up some older guys in Chipotle. Jaime talks about how she's working on her first novel.
Fast-forward
Ally and Jaime head to London for a bit. Ally decides London is the place for her, and Jaime begins to feel left out. Is their friendship beginning to splinter?
Get real
When the girls had the guys back in their room, they retreated to the bathroom to figure out how to get rid of the guys so that they could sleep. Some things are universal.
The show
Trista and Ryan's Wedding
8 p.m. Wednesday, ABC
Last episode recap
Finale. Wedding. Ugh. It was the most hideous pink wedding ever, and half the ideas Trista included in the ceremony were trite and the other half just weird. But they got married, despite the half-dozen paparazzi helicopters.
Fast-forward
A life together? Enjoying their small fortune courtesy of ABC? Making babies? If it's the last one, expect the birth to be televised. Don't be surprised if ABC already has the rights.
Get real
The wedding cost almost $4 million, and that was the best they could do? It should have been indoors so that the helicopters wouldn't have featured so prominently.
The show
Survivor: Pearl Islands
7 p.m. Thursday, CBS
Last episode recap
Finale. Darrah gone after the first tribal council. Lill wins the most important immunity and chooses to kick out Jon, taking Sandra with her to the finals. In the end, though, it was a bad move. Sandra wins in a 6-1 vote.
Fast-forward
Sandra has $1 million and a GMC Envoy SUV to enjoy with her family. She also becomes the first Puerto Rican to win the game.
Get real
Jon has surpassed Richard Hatch as the most deceitful and hated "Survivor" castaway ever. That said, he kept the game interesting and always worth watching.
Monday, December 15, 2003
RedEye, 12/12/03
Hand-to-hand celeb combat on 'Showdown'
By William P. Bohlen
One of the revelations of this year's TV season is that poker, of all things, is fun to watch on television. There's tension, there's intrigue, there's lying--all good for entertainment.
Riding this wave is Bravo's "Celebrity Poker Showdown," a tournament of No-Limit Texas Hold 'Em as played by Ben Affleck, Don Cheadle, Martin Sheen, and Allison Janney, among others, for a $250,000 charity pot.
It's not as high-quality and dramatic as the Travel Channel's "World Poker Tour" or ESPN's "World Series of Poker"--with much better players and true characters like Sam Farha and Chris Moneymaker--but "Showdown" is a light diversion that fits well sandwiched between episodes of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."
It's fun to see the celebrities loose and outside character (or in the case of David Schwimmer, to see definitively that he is Ross). They may be actors, but playing poker, they seem real--nervous, ecstatic and occasionally cerebral.
Of course, when bluffing, it's a test of true acting ability and, just like on the screen, some are better actors than others.
Kevin Pollack is the sly, wisecracking host and, more important, quite knowledgeable about the game. He's joined in the commentator's booth by the more serious Phil Gordon, a professional player.
Part of the appeal of any poker show are the cameras in the table that give viewers a peek at the players' cards. "Showdown's" specific sensibility is loungy Las Vegas--not coincidentally it is filmed at the Palms Casino--and it's got a low-budget feel.
It's a good lesson for the networks: good television doesn't always have to have flashy graphics or tremendous gimmicks.
Shows to watch
- The three-hour "Survivor: Pearl Islands" finale and reunion special airs at 7 p.m. Sunday on CBS.
- The second part of HBO's "Angels in America" miniseries airs for three hours opposite "Survivor."
- You can celebrate a "Kid Rock Christmas" at 8 p.m. Sunday on VH1.
- Barbara Walters picks "The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2003," at 8 p.m. Wednesday on ABC.
RedEye, 12/11/03
Bad reality
Last night, that one woman and that one guy got married on television. What are their names? Oh, right. Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter, first wedding in reality show history. Host Christ Harrison called it "the most anticipated wedding since Charles and Diana." Um, whatever. The star of the show was the color pink.
Still, ABC covered the wedding like a sporting event, and five paparazzi helicopters added to the unpleasant spectacle.
The $3,778,000 wedding included $500,000 in flowers, two wedding dresses and two rings for Trista. The only cute touch was to have the flower girls pull the ring bearer in a fire engine, a nod to Ryan's profession. One of many poor decisions? Mid-ceremony they did an art project--layering sand in a vase to symbolize something or other.
The telecast was bloated beyond belief. Ryan enters ... then commercial. Here come bridesmaids ... and commercial? Finally, Trista, in $105,000 dress, million-dollar shoes and bad hair, walks down the aisle. They start the ceremony and, before the vows, commercial! When they returned, at least she didn't say, "I do, thanks to my new T-Mobile phone!"
Friday, December 12, 2003
RedEye, 12/9/03
Nice guy finishes second
Bastards! The "Average Joe" producers set up last night's finale as a battle between a vacuous pretty boy and an average-looking, though rich and charming, underdog.
But instead of Melana choosing the happily ever after with fan favorite Adam, she chose Jason, undoubtedly blinded by his dazzling teeth. The faraway look in his eyes wasn't reflecting deep thoughts of love but how little was going on upstairs.
It was a disappointing finish to what had been a surprisingly good series. Throughout the show, Melana seemed open to all sorts of guys with all sorts of flaws, but in turning down Adam, she broke millions of hearts.
"If I was the writer of this story, I would be with Melana right now," Adam said.
We'd have written it that way, too.
RedEye, 12/8/03
Reality Rewind
THE SHOW
Average Joe
8 p.m. Monday, NBC
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Melana dresses as her overweight "cousin" in order to grill the remaining guys. Of course, not until she whines about how difficult it is to be unattractive. For a day. Boo hoo. Anyway, she watches tape of the guys talking behind her back. Zach digs his own grave, and he gets the boot, along with Mike.
FAST-FORWARD
Two-hour finale. It's down to aspiring weatherman/hot guy Jason and average millionaire Adam. She goes to their hometowns and gets to know a little more about who they really are.
GET REAL
Prediction: It's gotta be Adam. He makes her laugh, treats her like a queen, and he's rich! Besides, Jason might be gay. The jury is still out.
THE SHOW
The Simple Life
7:30 p.m. Tuesday, Fox
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Over two episodes, we meet Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, see them land in Arkansas and meet the Leding family, with whom they'll be staying for a month. Comically out of their element, they meet the neighbors and try their hand at dairy farming to disastrous results.
FAST-FORWARD
The girls go to work at Sonic--uniforms, roller skates, the whole bit. They put a vulgar expression up on the marquee.
GET REAL
So Paris has admitted that her line about Wal-Mart was staged. Be on the lookout for other staged moments. (Though, really, most of the show is staged. The whole premise is staged.)
THE SHOW
Queer Eye
for the Straight Guy
9 p.m. Tuesday, Bravo
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Steve, a music television host--though not on MTV--wears cruddy clothes and has a poor sense of style. The Fab Five help him get on track with a new wardrobe and haircut, and he takes to seeing himself as more of a rocker dude than just a dude.
FAST-FORWARD
Former Marine Ross has a worldly girlfriend, but his style is still stuck on military time. Look for a big focus on his wardrobe and his apartment, which looks like your local Staples.
GET REAL
What was up with that weird co-host of his who kept taking Steve's clothing even while making fun of his new look? Bizarre.
THE SHOW
Rich Girls
9:30 p.m. Tuesday, MTV
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Ally has issues. She's missed her childhood. Jaime wants to take her to Seattle to see Jaime's aunt and uncle. Ally is stressed. They have a decent time in Seattle, though Ally feels dumb. Um, she is.
FAST-FORWARD
Really, do we have to tell you? We know you're going to watch anyway. It's the girls, saying stupid things, buying expensive things and saving the world, in their own special way.
GET REAL
Priceless exchange: Ally is doubting her intelligence. Jaime says her brain surpasses
99.9 percent of the country. Ally asks, "What do you mean, surpasses?" Jaime: "Better than."
THE SHOW
Trista and Ryan's Wedding
8 p.m. Wednesday, ABC
LAST EPISODE RECAP
ABC hosts a joint bachelor/bachelorette party for the couple in the Caribbean. A lot of drunkenness, a few strippers, a lot of heartache. Really, just a bad party hyped up for television.
FAST-FORWARD
It's the moment you've all been waiting for. Ryan runs away! Kidding. The two get hitched. Expect lots of pink, lots of wedding trappings, lots of talk about how expensive and special this all is.
GET REAL
It really would be great if Ryan ditched Trista at the altar. The man doesn't really understand what he's getting into. Everything is about her. In fact, if he left, she'd probably grab the nearest guy and try to marry him.
THE SHOW
Survivor: Pearl Islands
7 p.m. Thursday, CBS,
finale on Sunday
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Darrah, Lillian and Jon win a spa reward. Sandra and Christa get wool over their eyes courtesy of Jon and Burton. Jon backs off his promise to side with Sandra and Christa and gets the tribe to oust Christa.
FAST-FORWARD
There are three women and two men left. Jon and Burton gloat in the hold they have over the game, but the women might band together and get rid of a guy.
GET REAL
Why Christa and Sandra trusted Jon at all is beyond me. If anyone would take a step back from the game, they could easily see that Jon has made promises to everyone but somehow managed to keep them secret.
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Monday, December 08, 2003
RedEye, 12/5/03
Dysfunctional Bluth family is TV's funniest
By William P. Bohlen
Just because "Arrested Development," this season's funniest new sitcom, was given a full year's run and a fair shot at success by Fox doesn't mean it's safe to stop watching. In fact, if you've seen an episode, you probably want more.
The Bluth family is the zaniest television family in a long time, more dysfunctional than the Bundys, more shameless than the Simpsons. "Arrested Development" feels a bit like a Wes Anderson ("The Royal Tenenbaums") movie, with the family dynamics crisscrossing and double-crossing into breakdown beneath the veneer of respectability. It's a product of Hollywood titans Ron Howard, who also narrates, and Brian Grazer, and their quality seal is evident.
The family is a tangled web. Jason Bateman (remember him?) stars as Michael Bluth, the son of George Bluth Sr. (the incomparable Jeffrey Tambor, "The Larry Sanders Show"), head of the family business, who was recently jailed for fraud.
Michael, a level-headed single parent, is trying to wean his family from the company dime, turn the business around and make sure his son, George Michael, grows up well. George Michael, who works the family's frozen banana stand, has a crush on his cousin Maeby Funke, whose dad is a psychologist-turned-actor and whose mom, Michael's sister, Lindsay (Portia de Rossi), is a me-first socialite progressive who hosted fundraisers for dubious causes before her husband's and father's downfalls. Michael's other brothers include George Oscar Bluth Jr., or "Gob," an out-of-work magician, and the family runt, Buster, who is still too close to his mother, Lucille, while drawing the unwanted affection of his mother's friend Lucille Austero, played fabulously by Liza Minelli. Got all that?
The writing is superb, as is the camerawork, and it all combines for a wonderfully witty, clever and downright funny show.
Shows to watch
-Al Sharpton runs for President on "Saturday Night Live," 10:30 p.m. on NBC.
- A&E celebrates Playboy's 50th anniversary at 7 p.m. Sunday.
- Melana chooses between average Adam and hottie Jason on the two-hour "Average Joe" finale at 8 p.m. Monday on NBC.
- Trista and Ryan get hitched in the two-hour finale to "Trista and Ryan's Wedding" at 8 p.m. Wednesday on ABC.
Friday, December 05, 2003
RedEye, 12/2/03
Simply Irresistible
By William P. Bohlen
Contrary to what you have seen on a recent entertainment product featuring socialite heiress Paris Hilton, Fox's "The Simple Life," premiering at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday, is quality viewing. In fact, it's hilarious.
Despite the hackneyed "Green Acres" city folk-in-the-country concept, the show has flawless execution in taking Hilton and Nicole Richie (Lionel's daughter) from Beverly Hills to Altus, Ark., population 817, for a month of farm living and hard work. There's a hokey country theme song and a hokey country announcer, ostentatious displays of wealthy excess juxtaposed with the charming minimalism of the Leding family, the girls' hosts, who come out of the show looking the best. Watch especially for darling 4-year-old Braxton, who takes a particular liking to Tinkerbell, Hilton's well-clothed dog.
After setting the scene at a going-away party thrown in the girls' honor--and getting a glimpse at the kind of parents who would raise a Paris--Hilton and Richie fly on a private jet, destination unknown to them. When they land, they receive a beat-up pickup and directions to the Leding home. Over the course of two episodes, always in ill-conceived outfits, they settle into their windowless room, realize there's just one bathroom, encounter insects (Braxton to the rescue!), meet the neighbors and start a job at the local dairy farm, each to laugh- and cringe-inducing results.
Early on, it becomes clear that Richie has a modicum of values, respect and common sense, whereas Hilton has none, and Richie has a little knowledge about life outside the Prada bubble, whereas Hilton has none. (Paris trying to decipher the nation's largest employer: "What is Wal-Mart? Is it like they sell wall stuff?")
The next two months might show Hilton and Richie changing a little as they begin to understand "the simple life," and it might show the Altus residents becoming a little more "worldly" in the bicoastal sense of the word. But this show isn't about lessons learned; it's about watching a couple of snobby girls look silly and stupid. Consider it a spectacular success.
RedEye, 12/1/03
Reality Rewind
THE SHOW
Next Joe Millionaire:
An International Affair
7 p.m. Monday, Fox
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Finale. David chooses Linda over Cat, then breaks the news to Linda about his faux fortune. Linda doesn't show, David heads back to Texas. Guess what? Linda, having had second thoughts, is there too! Linda gets a quarter mil.
FAST-FORWARD
Check out "The Simple Life," with socialites Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie living on an Arkansas farm for a month. It airs at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday on Fox and is well worth your while.
GET REAL
What a stupid, stupid ending. Linda leaves the show twice, and they bring her back both times. How much did the producers have to beg to get her back?
THE SHOW
Average Joe
9 p.m. Monday, NBC
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Melana goes on two group dates and chooses to spend some alone time with Alex and Jason. Jason gets past her questions about his sexuality, and they spend a good while kissing. At elimination, Melana knocks off Alex and John.
FAST-FORWARD
Melana dresses in a fat suit to become her
own "cousin" and sees if she can catch the guys judging her by her looks. If they can't tell it's
her under the makeup, that's preposterous.
GET REAL
Does one feel sorry for John or fearful of him? The guy has "stalker" written all over him, though it's clear he hasn't had much success with women.
THE SHOW
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
9 p.m. Tuesday, Bravo
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Lawyer Richard wanted to come out of the closet, so to speak, by revealing his chrome dome to his children and friends after years of burying it under a toupee.
Everyone seems happy with the transformation.
FAST-FORWARD
Steve, a semi-celebrity--he hosts a music TV show on FUSE--needs some help getting his rocker attitude in line with his style.
GET REAL
You know what might be a good special episode down the road?
A female subject.
THE SHOW
Rich Girls
9:30 p.m. Tuesday, MTV
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Jaime's family's dog comes down with pneumonia and tosses her kibble. Jaime's mother complains about Jaime's $10,000-a-month AmEx bill. Jaime decides to return a Prada bag and put the money toward vet bills.
FAST-FORWARD
Ally realizes she's missed a lot of her childhood, confirming what many therapists have told her. Uh oh. Michael Jackson has
issues from missing his childhood too ...
GET REAL
What is up with rich people and little dogs? And why do rich people think their dogs are more worthy of their time, money and attention than countless charities?
THE SHOW
Trista and Ryan's Wedding
8 p.m. Wednesday, ABC
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Trista and Ryan are going to have an expensive wedding paid for by ABC.
Trista loves pink, maybe more than she loves Ryan. Ryan isn't happy about the pink.
FAST-FORWARD
It's the bachelor/-ette parties in the Caribbean. Ryan sneaks off with a couple of strippers, and Trista goes berserk looking for him.
GET REAL
Several friends expressed concern about Trista and Ryan's feelings for each other.
But I bet those were general reservations followed by "I really think they are in love."
THE SHOW
Survivor: Pearl Islands
7 p.m. Thursday, CBS
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Jon is sleazy. In a reward challenge, he had prearranged with his buddy to pretend that Jon's grandmother had died. Jon got to spend the day alone with his friend. Jon persuaded Sandra to vote out Tijuana instead of Burton.
FAST-FORWARD
Will Jon's lie be revealed? Also, with all the shifting alliances, people can't trust one another and will look for their short-term gain instead of focusing on the end game.
GET REAL
Jon may be the most deceitful castaway ever. His prearranged lie was so devious it was disgusting. Perhaps he's the one who has what it takes to go all the way.
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
On Wednesday morning, I'll be appearing on the Don and Roma show on Chicago's WLS 890 AM to talk about The Simple Life and television in general. If you're in Chicago, you can just tune your radio. If not, you can get streaming live audio on their website Wednesday morning.
If you're in Chicago today, you can pick up today's RedEye to read my cover story preview of the Simple Life, starring Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. If you're not in Chicago, you can read a teaser here. The full version will be up on Friday.
Monday, December 01, 2003
RedEye, 11/28/03
Beware Trista, the Bridezilla
By William P. Bohlen
We saw her heartbroken, we saw her looking for and finding love, and now we get to see her obsess over the worst excesses of the bridal industry before marrying the nicest sap she could get her hands on.
Yes, Trista Rehn is back and planning her gazillion-dollar wedding to Ryan Sutter, and ABC is paying for it, taping it, and forcing it down our throats like ipecac syrup. Pink ipecac syrup.
On "Trista and Ryan's Wedding," a reality mini-mini-series, ABC uses all the hallmark "Bachelor" editing and phrasing without hearing Chris Harrison's "Up next! On the Most! Dramatic! Rose! Ceremony! Ever!"
Guilty pleasure, how I know thy name. There's enough to keep you interested--next week, Ryan sneaks off with a couple of strippers. There's enough to make you laugh in disgust--Trista's baby voice going gaga over anything pink. (Best line, Ryan: "No one has any idea how much she loves pink. ... There's no way I'm going to allow this little flowery. .. Strawberry Shortcake wedding.") There's enough to make you truly gag--the show's obsession with price tags, gaudy displays of wealth (diamond and platinum shoes, most expensive bridal pair ever!), and celebrity wedding name-dropping.
Trista comes off as the ultimate bridezilla, with dollar signs spinning cartoonlike in her eyes and Hollywood in her dreams. Ryan comes off as a charming, funny, aww-shucks firefighter with ambition to continue living in Colorado. In the end, it's the first true reality dating show success story--the first to end in a real marriage. One can't help but think, though, that Ryan will wake up one day and say, "What did I get myself into?"
Shows to watch
- "The Bernie Mac Show" premieres Sunday at 7:30 p.m. on Fox.
- Another awards show? VH1's "Big in 2003" airs at 8 p.m. Sunday
- VH1 has a special on "AIDS: A Pop Culture History," at 8 p.m. Monday.
- "The Tracy Morgan Show" debuts at 7 p.m. Tuesday on NBC.
- Paris Hilton's other video project, the Fox reality show "The Simple Life," premieres at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday on Fox. The second episode airs Wednesday.
- Bravo has the "Celebrity Poker Showdown"--with Ben Affleck and David Schwimmer--at 8 p.m. Tuesday.
RedEye, 11/24/03
Reality Rewind
THE SHOW
Next Joe Millionaire: An International Affair
7 p.m. Monday, Fox
LAST EPISODE RECAP
In Venice with three women--oh, did I forget the surprise(!) twist(!)? Czech hottie Linda was brought back for another shot. David goes on individual dates. Linda refuses a kiss, but that just makes David more into her. He gets rid of Petra, keeping Linda and Cat, a favorite kissing partner.
FAST-FORWARD
Two-hour finale. David chooses one of the girls and breaks the news. The producers are promising another surprising(!) twist(!). My guess: The show doesn't give them money like they gave Evan and Zora on the first show.
GET REAL
The more a show hypes its surprise twists, the less surprising they are. How about keeping the surprises a little more close to the vest for once? "Survivor" has done better with that formula.
THE SHOW
Average Joe
8:30 p.m. Monday, NBC
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Melana narrows her field from six to three after the guys participate in one-on-one challenges to win a private date. Tareq was hilariously inept at golf. She keeps Zach, Adam and John, but soon the big twist: three hunks are introduced.
FAST-FORWARD
A 90-minute show at a special time, with new guys Michael, Jason and Alex trying to edge the geeks out of the picture.
GET REAL
I told you so! I predicted the surprising twist, though I doubt I'm the only one who thought the ugly guys would have to face some pretty boys. Still, it'll be disappointing unless she picks a homely guy in the end.
THE SHOW
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
9 p.m. Tuesday, Bravo
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Jeff had long hair and a beard. The Fab Five turned him into a stylin' David Bowie look-alike with the help of his adorable daughter Christina. Catch the repeat at 7 p.m. Tuesday on NBC.
FAST-FORWARD
Richard, a lawyer with a hairpiece, is breaking the news to his family and friends that he's actually been bald for 13 years. (You know what? They probably already knew.)
GET REAL
Jeff showing Ted how to fish was a classic scene. Just reinforces Ted as first among Fab Five equals.
THE SHOW
Rich Girls
9:30 p.m. Tuesday, MTV
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Tommy Hilfiger buys a Ferrari and later asks Ally and Jaime to take a look at his teen clothing lines and offer their opinions. Then the girls go to FAO Schwarz and play. And then to the Hamptons to relax. They talk about how some people wear clothes to cover up and don't consider fashion.
FAST-FORWARD
The girls do more shopping and hobnobbing. Don't forget, though, to tune in a half hour early to catch the finale of "The Real World: Paris."
GET REAL
If you missed the faces of the Tommy Hilfiger clothing designers while the girls critiqued their designs, you missed some priceless expressions of disgust. Would you like it if the boss' daughter and her pudgy friend came to critique your work?
THE SHOW
Survivor: Pearl Islands
7 p.m. Wednesday, CBS
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Lil and Burton win a reward challenge obstacle course, earning a trip on a catamaran with pizza and beer. Burton gives his trip to Jon, though, which Rupert takes as a sign of a crumbling alliance. It was. In a major surprise to Rupert, he was voted out.
FAST-FORWARD
Two castaways get into a huge argument, and suspicion surrounds Christa about sabotaging the food supply. Maybe they're realizing sending fish-catching Rupert home was a bad idea?
GET REAL
It's a shame Rupert had to go. He was the best "Survivor" since Richard Hatch for both strategy and good TV. It will be interesting to see if his absence hurts ratings.
THE SHOW
The Bachelor
8 p.m. Wednesday, ABC
LAST EPISODE RECAP
Finale. Bob brings Kelly Jo and Estella to meet his parents. His mom is quite taken with Estella, and she must hold some sway as Bob sends Kelly Jo packing and places a ring on Estella's right hand as a promise of future commitment.
FAST-FORWARD
Taking over the "Bachelor" time slot is "Trista and Ryan's Wedding," a behind-the-scenes look at the planning and event that will mark the first reality dating show marriage.
GET REAL
Bob's right-hand move is a bit back-handed. Evan did the same to Zora on "Joe Millionaire," and they lasted about one evening. Odds this couple will get married: 5-to-1.
